Hesitation
by gibbsgalsa
Summary: Fill in the gap, after conversation between Anna and John Bates in Cottage scene. Warning S5E6 (Spoilers) - Mature.
1. Chapter 1

**Fill in the gap Downton Abbey - Anna Smith/John Bates**

**SPOILERS: S5E6**

**I do not own Downton Abbey. Julian Fellowes does. Not for profit, just amusing myself with Mr. Fellowes characters.**

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><p>Hesitation<p>

Bates flinched away when Anna touched his face. She was happy and he didn't understand. He didn't understand why she didn't want his baby, she believed he was innocent that was something. He smiled at her as she took his hands and weeped and kissed them. Bates hestitately raised his hand to cover her hands that enfolded his. He couldn't help himself smiling back at her, he loved her so much and he couldn't help but feel she did love him too, but she had been preventing them conceiving and it was true she hadn't been quite sure that her husband wasn't a murderer. Bates sighed, he couldn't blame her.

Anna hadn't been sure if he had killed Green or not. He had just admitted to her, he had wanted to and had planned to kill Mr. Green. If Green hadn't been killed and had returned to Downton, Bates couldn't say for sure, that he would have been able to stop himself from cornering the other valet in the boot room.

Bates had fantisized about how he would do it. He would bolt the door from the inside of the boot room, so there'd be no escape for him as Anna had had no escape. Bates saw how the coward would have tried to laugh at him. Suspecting that Bates was frail, not knowing he was an expert at protecting the Earl in the Boer War, having shot and, yes, even stabbed the enemy through hand to hand combat during the several years that the Earl and he had spent living and fighting together.

Bates even thought of feigning his injury, to give the false impression that his injury impeded him more then it really did. Leaning on his cane a bit more then usual, limping slowly toward Green he would cut him down with his cane. His cane would become his weapon of choice in many of his fantasies.

Bates would beat him senseless, using the handle to bash him upside the face just as the dirty animal had hit his Anna. Bates would make the devil beg for mercy, but Bates planned to take his time, to unrelently hurt, as Anna had been hurt. Bates would spare no piece of him.

Bates knew how he would finish Green. He would grab him up and be sure that the vial roach, bruised and broken faced, was looking at him. Once Bates was sure to have his attention he would smash his head against the stone floor where he had defiled his innocent and beautiful wife. Bates would watch as he died and be glad of it.

Bates slowly came of his revengeful fancies as Anna kissed his hand and now his palm. He could not help but feel himself become endeared, despite his doubt of Anna and why she should not want to have their child. He felt like grabbing her up, kissing her senseless, carrying her upstairs and not letting her out of their bed until morning.

He shook his head to clear where his mind led. He couldn't let himself be distracted by her goreous lips and hands. If she hadn't known or thought for sure that he was the one who had killed Green, why had she purchased the book and the device.

Confused, Bates gently moved his hand from hers and gently clasps her arms.

"Anna, if you weren't sure of me, I understand. God knows I wanted to kill Green and you say that you wanted to have our child, then why have the book and device?"

"Mr. Bates, if you'd just let me explain. This afternon was hardly the time or the place to discuss this particular subject. Besides, you made me furious to think that I didn't want to have your babies. You're fortunate, I'm speaking to you at all." Anna eyes twinkled.

"Mrs. Bates," Bates returned, eyes softened slightly not wanting to be angry anymore. In truth, he had been furious after finding the items and admittedly his anger had been in full stew during their confrontation in the boot room, "I find this subject hardly amusing or something to be taken lightly. I was shocked and,yes, hurt. The more I thought about it, the more positive I became that you thought me a murderer."

"But Mr. Bates if you remember on a few occasion when we spoke of that night, you did say you felt like committing murder and even now you admitted to planning to go to London. To be honest, I didn't want you to be guilty but I would not have blamed you. I wanted him dead, if I had the ways and means, that day in London I would have killed him myself. I just didn't want you to be guilty, for you to have that sin on your soul, and more importantly, for that evil creature to take you away from me," Anna returned with a soft lint in her voice, turning her position of offender into offendee.

"Nevermind, Anna, I must know the reason for the book."

"Mr Bates," Anna sighed, and couldn't help smille at her husband, "You are not going to want to hear about this, but I will tell you anyway and you'll want to unhear it."

Bates tilted his head gazing at her, wondering if this was a warning that he should adhere to.

"You must promise that this will go no further then between we two, and you must promise never to speak of it again," Anna tilted her head in return waiting for his promise.

"Of course, agreed," Bates again hestated surely this was one of the stangest day he had had in his life.

"It's Lady Mary's," Anna finally blurted out with what Bates could only describe as total reluctants, "She also said not to mention this to anyone and especially to you, Mr. Bates."

"Lady Mary's?" Bates was astounded, "But what would Lady Mary..."

Anna cut of his next sentence, "I know you won't approve, frankly I don't approve either. I even told her so."

Pausing again and taking a deep breathe, "Lady Mary wanted to be sure with Lord Gilliham. She said she was so happy with Mr. Crowley, she couldn't take a chance to marying Lord Gilliham without first begin with him.

Bates' eyes narrowed, and took Anna's hands more firmly in his.

"Tell me the rest, how did she get such a book and contraption? London? And how could she ask you to hold on to it for her?"

Anna shifted her eyes downward, " Mr. Bates, I bought it for Lady Mary in Ripon."

Mr. Bates eyes narrowed even further if it was possible. "What?"

"I admit, it was awful getting it; the lady at the druggist acted like I was a criminal. I mean what if we have 8 children and couldn't afford more... I wanted to go back and get another 10 just for her attitude...' Anna caught Bates eyes with a brilliant smile, and continued, 'but what was I suppose to do? Lady Mary is my employer and I did try several times to dissuade her," Anna sighed and John saw clearly she was telling the truth, and to be honest he was not all that surprise about Lady Mary's questionable virtue, but he let that go.

"So, Lady Mary has a lot to answer for," John's eyes softened and he pulled Anna's hands towards him, engulfing them he kissed the very tips of them and then finally spreading them he placed a damp mouth to each palm.

"In a way, we can thank Lady Mary, we finally were honest with each other," Anna's voice caught slightly, she eyed how his mouth was now stoking the inside of her wrist, John knew just the right spots she was most sensative.

"You were right, you know?" Bates glances up from devouring her hands and wrist, 'if we have 8 children, there might be a time to revisit this druggist... Together,"

Anna blushed and smiled how proud she'd be for Mr. Bates to accompany her there, 'Hhmmm, so it is to be 8 children, Mr. Bates?"

'Well, I would like to concentrate on one at a time at first,' Bates mouthed as he leaned closer, "perhaps we are so busy, we aren't finding enough time to get started...?"

John reached in, gently moving his hand along her upper arm, up along her shoulders to where her neck met her collar. Her skin was warm, her checks were over heated and he desperately wanted her. Leaning in his lips reached for hers, but he didn't quite let them touch, waiting for her to kiss him. He had learned over the pass few years not to rush, not to be in a hurry, not to kiss her until she signaled she was ready.

He sighed into her lips as she brought her hand to his cheek and pulled him in to start their first real kiss in days. They had been too busy since she had come back from the trip to London, it had been weeks that they had kissed like this. Their lips parted, lingering together, separating slowly then coming back together time and again. John couldn't help letting his tongue mingle with hers, then letting his mouth tug at her bottom lip. He did it very gently, not wanted to cause a mark that any one might see. They had to maintain a strick sense of decorum at the Abby during work hours, and besides as he continued to remind himself everything must be slow and gentle for Anna these days. It wasn't a hardship.

Anna moaned and pulled her other hand free to cup the other side of John's head. He could feel her arousal as she kissed him back, moving her mouth against his lower lip, her hands moving from his face to his hair, she hestitately moved forward slowly rocking him softly back against his chair.

She had come with him, and laid fully against his chest, her lower body between his legs, as she deeped the kiss, John placed his hands on the arm of the chair to gather some assembles of control. John had perfected his control over the last two years. No matter, how provocatively she made advances, he had always let her be the one in control the one, to set the pace.

"John,' Anna moaned as she positioned her knees between his at the edge of the seat cushion. Covering his hands on the arms of the chair with her own, she leaned into capture his mouth again.

Finally, slowly, Anna broke away slightly, locking eyes with his just a few inches away "John, you're driving me mad...you know that?"

John smiled at the sparkle in her eye, "What is it, love?" He capture her mouth with each word.

"I want you, but..." Anna's voiced trailed off, her eyes shifted away from his to a spot over his shoulder.

"But what?" John voice caught in his throat so his response didn't come off as casual as he would have liked. Anna had on many occasions just wanted him to hold her. He always did, but tonight was one of the nights that was going to be a lot longer for him if that is what she wanted.

"John, I want... I want you to, " Anna's voice became lower, he had to strain to hear her next words, "I want you to be in control."

"Anna?" John wasn't sure what she meant. Control is what he did.

"Like you used to be ... before, " Anna stated.

"How do you mean?" John remembered how they were before that awful night, but it was different now and she had set the boundries.

"I want you to be in control of what we do and how we do it, I trust you, " Anna slid her hand under his and lifted them from the arm rest. "John,?"

"I won't pretend, I don't know what you mean, Anna," John kissed her lips tentatively, "You want me to lose control, yes?"

"Yes, do you think you can?"

"Anna, I can try, but I can't promise," John stood up with her and lifted her up into his arms.

He carried her to the narrow steps of the cottage, letting her feet drop to the third step making her even with his height. His hands caressed her sides down to her hips, pulling her staight against him, he could feel her moan at the contact, their eyes met and he smiled at her intense look.

Anna was indeed the most beautiful thing he had seen in his life.

"Up you go," John stepped up to her lingering one hand along her hip and turning her to guide her up the stairs. He remembered doing this same action the first week they had moved in. He couldn't get enough of her after having moved into the cottage, it had been a renewal of their intimacy, and Anna could catch his mood even on a Sunday morning after services.

He stopped her at the top of the stairs to turn her against the wall to their bedroom. He had never taken her against the wall since that awful night, perhaps this is what she meant.

"Anna," John sighed her name as he captured her mouth. His hands started to tug at the far too abundant pieces of clothing that preventing his hand contact with her smooth skin.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

**First, apologies for the cliff hanger from previous chapter. I am writing something completely different and writing two things at once keeps me from getting writers block... - anyway, after I posted Chapter 1, I realized I really did leave everyone hanging.**

**I wasn't planning on posting this so soon, but after I realized how I left Chapter 1, I wrote this up quicker than expected with the insistence of my twin. This continues from Anna's point of view. FYI- The next possible chapter would not be posted until mid December…**

**Apologies in advance for any spellings errors or typos. Thank you.**

**Chapter 2- Continues fill-in for episode s5e6. Anna/Bates. Warning this is mature content for mature readers. Purely amusing myself with Mr. Fellowes' characters. No profit is gained.**

Relief

Anna could barely breathe. It had been weeks since he had kissed her this way. She had wanted him since she had set eyes on him and that had not changed until that horrible night. Thank God she had had John this past year. He had gotten her back to this point. Now, he held her up against the wall, his hands everywhere. She would never have believed it two years ago to be here, wanting him again, not being afraid and with complete honesty between them.

"Anna," she heard him whisper her name. She sensed his question and his hesitation.

"John, please stop," Anna grabbed his hands.

"Ann...," leaning up, she stilled him from speaking with her lips.

Letting his hands go, Anna moved to place her hands along his face, reluctantly pulling her mouth away. "John, you have to stop hesitating, stop controlling every word, every kiss."

Anna couldn't resist pushing her left hand through his soft hair, "You are my husband and I want to make you happy."

John looked confused, "What do you mean? I am very happy. I couldn't bare this cottage without you when you left me. I would be nothing if it weren't for you. You are..."

"For the past year, you have done everything for me and I have done little for you." Anna interrupted him again, "You think only of what you can do for me. You have lived through all of my bad days and nightmares."

Anna sighed, "You must let me take care of you some of the time."

"Anna, I have to take care of you, I love you and you do take care me. You are the best wife a man could ask for." John smiled at her, lifting his right hand to grab hers and brought it to his lips.

"You don't understand, ...before when we would be ...hmmm...intimate you use to act differently, you never were thinking all the time," Anna smiled back softly whispering, "Mr. Bates, you are brooding in our bed and it will have to stop."

"Must it?" John grinned at her, he loved it when she called him Mr. Bates in that husky tone outside the Abbey and she knew it."It is true, I do like to brood," John grinned again and leaned to the right side of her against the wall, "so, Mrs. Bates, how do you propose we solve the situation."

"Yes, it must," Anna affirmed and smiled back at him "Let me show you."

Anna removed her sweater, and then she started to unbutton her black dress. Keeping her eyes on him, she watched as his eyes followed her progress. She had arrived home an hour before John and had decided to confront him after she had a bath. She hadn't bothered with shoes or any under garments, she had planned on falling into bed after confronting him. Anna had only dressed in her black dress, so she wasn't at a disadvantage. She had never seen John so upset with her and she wasn't going to talk about Lady Mary in her nightgown. After their conversation in the boot room, she never dreamt that John would be watching her underdress eight hours later. She was enjoying him watch her, but she felt more exposed as her dress fell and John had yet to move or remove any article of clothing.

Anna step away from the fallen dress, moving towards John, her hands making their way up to his open collar. She could tell the wheels were still turning in his mind. He wanted her but wasn't going to do anything about it until she took the initiative. For a brief moment Anna felt extremely sorry for her husband for what she was about to do. She was going to keep John to his promise of trying to start to come back to where they had been two years ago. She wanted the brooding gone, so she planned to keep John from thinking at all. She was not sure how long she could last not having him, but she was going to do her best not to crumble with want. John was going to lose control first, she vowed as her hand reached to tug his jacket from his shoulders. She let her body push up against his front. She did it intentionally and slowly. Letting the jacket drop carelessly to the floor, she continued to undress him starting with the buttons of his vest.

"Mr. Bates, you are far too formally dressed for what we are doing," Anna smiled at him. Moving the chain and watch from his vest she deliberately and slowly took it and eased it into his front pocket. Anne made sure her palm ran smoothly and deeply into his pocket, gently placing the watch at the bottom. Anna let her palm caress all the way back up his thigh. She unbuttoned the three buttons on the vest even slower. As she repeated her previous action of dropping his vest on top of his coat, it was hard for her to not to go faster, but clearly he wasn't going to help, still he smiled at the way she slowly leaned up against him, so she must be getting to him in some way.

She truly just wanted to drag him to bed, but that would not accomplish a thing. She continued now with his already open shirt. The buttons were small and she exaggerated the difficulty in slipping them from their holes. Anna got halfway through and couldn't help placing her mouth along his neck, trailing a path down the center of his chest. He was beautifully large and wide, she pulled away to prevent herself from tearing at the rest of the buttons on his shirt.

Instead of continuing with the shirt, she ran her hands up along John's skin at his neck and lifting herself up on tiptoes, she angled her head to kiss him along his cheek. It would have been a chaste kiss had it not been for how her hips pushed up against his, and she let out a slow quiet groan. She heard his answering growl as John's head moved to her neck.

'John,' Anna whispered in his ear, 'I want you."

'Anna,' John eased away from kissing her neck to capture her mouth. His tongue slipped easily between her lips as she kissed him back fervently.

Anna remembered just in time her resolve. John was proving to be quite a distraction and she reluctantly eased her mouth away from him and ran her hands through the thick mat of smooth hair inside his shirt. She sighed contentedly and pulled at his shirt to tug the tails from his slacks. At the same time she forced herself to lean back against the wall. John straightened himself up against the wall with his two hands placed on either side of her arms.

Anna just look at John as he eyed her up and down. The plan was for her to drive him out of his mind, not the other way round. Anna took stock of her position and keeping to her aim, Anna looked at him from head to toe .

Anna smiled and worked her way up to the middle part of John's shirt where there were more buttons to undo. Each release of all the buttons revealed more of him to her. Finally undoing the last of the buttons, Anna ran her hands all along his chest. She delighted in how John sucked in a deep breathe as her fingers reached down and ran along the seam at his waist.

John dipped his head to capture her mouth leaning into her naked body. The skin to skin contact made them both groan out loud.

'Anna … Anna,' John broke away from her lips and caught her eyes. His eyes seeking permission. Anna gazed back blankly. He was such a dear, kind and honorable man. Always so brilliantly galant; John had always been so considerate of her, but most especially the pass two years.

It killed her not to just beg him to end this excruciating build up of want. She didn't think she had ever desired her husband more then she did now. Still she leaned in, not breaking eye contact and whispered, 'John, stop asking permission. I won't give it tonight.'

'Anna…' John said her name with the combination of question and reluctant disbelieve. Then shaking his head and with a tone of torture, whispered back 'Anna, you must.'

John eased his hands off the wall to stroke his hands along her shoulder and back, easing her against him. Anna closed her eyes letting the flow of his hands seep into her. She could only think of one word for this feeling his hands generated; the word that came to mind was _glorious_. His mouth trailed a path along her neck and shoulder. She bent her head giving him full access, letting him seduce her, just as she groaned her hands worked on the rest of his clothes tugging at his belt.

She only loosened the belt buckle and undid the top button, slipping her arms over his shoulders and ran her hands to the back of his head. She drew his head away from her neck to her lips. She kissed him, then drew back, only to reclaim his lips all the while pressing her hips against him. She wrapped a leg half way around his good leg.

She felt and heard him crumble with a groan as his hands left her body and tore at the remainder of fastens along his pants. Without breaking their kiss, his hands cupped her, lifting her and he took her.

He felt perfect, and she finished wrapping her legs around his waist, finally breaking the kiss, she whispered, 'More, John'.

It was as much permission she'd give that night, as she lost herself in the demands of husband of old. There was no hesitation, as he took her, with just kisses, his hands running along her sides and hips as he set his own pace. Their release was mostly erratic and they both moved together grasping at relief.

As Anna moved along with whatever pace he set, her eyes watched him under half closed eyelids. She watched as his eyes rolled back and then she lost eye contact when his closed as he groaned her name.

With that her eyes closed as well, pushing herself forward, she moved with him. She wanted it to last for hours, this utopia of the mind, but the final relief came and she let it wash over her. As she fell back to earth, she realized John, who had finished minutes before her, was watching and she smiled at him as she opened her eyes lazily.

'Are you quite done, my dear?" John mocked. She noted how genuinely happy he looked. She could tell he was quite pleased with himself. She had missed that look the last two years. He hadn't looked this pleased for a very long time.

Anna reached in to kiss the smirk off his mouth. She lingered against his mouth thinking how delightful this feeling, this joining was. She finally let his lips go and in a serious tone replied, 'Yes, for _now_ I am quite done, Mr. Bates."

Bates' laughter may have shook the cottage as he leisurely ran his palms along her legs and thighs, and eased her feet to the floor, "Come along, Mrs. Bates, perhaps you can continue to teach me to be completely unhesitating in a little while from _now_."

Tbc


End file.
